LIFE SUCKS AS OF NOW.... but can get better
Well i have had to move back into my parents house! FUN!!!! Now i have to look into government assistance to get my own place again.

My Life as of now!
Well i have just now started to script my life. i have made note pads and written on them "Script your life, because someone else is trying to do it for you!" It is pretty easy to script my life during the week, but i need to continue to do this on the weekends also so i don't break the habit. I have during the week put an opitional part to my script if i wake up early. I put that as an exersize w/ shower in the morning. Then i put from 6-7 as getting ready for work. then there is a break in the time to 730 to 430 for work. Then i have downtime to cool off from work, mess around on the interweb and eat supper at 430 to 6. Then i have a workout session from 6 to 7 were everyother day i either do Tae Bo or i work with my weights, push ups and sit ups. Then we reach the most important part of my day, and that is for school work. I have gotten pretty far behind in this due to one of my teachers pissing me off pretty bad by not wanting to answer questions outside of class. So my school work time is from 7 to 8. Then after 8 is more downtime. i could add somemore time to school work as i said earlier i am really far behind, but i don't want to get burnt out on learning. I have also started to quit smoking pot. I am getting really burnt out on pot. Its not doing anything for me anymore. Its a plus when i beat off, but other than that i just get lazy and watch movies and i know i will not keep my script if i do continue with the pot. Maybe later i will start again, but i highly doubt it.

Well That all thats new. other big news later.

definition pt 2
the hardest part of not defining someone by what they wear or what their body looks like is just that. This has been pushed on us from the very begining. Everyone will drool over the "hot chick" or "hot guy". but for what reason? because he looks like a model? or is it conditioning? No one whats a fat girl/guy or to have an overweight girl/guy. By pop culture they are ugly and must lose weight to get the girl. I am still guilty of this. I was thinking that no matter where you look there are guys and girls protrayed this way. Movies, Music( with the execption of the Ramones LOL)and even pron. So how do you stop this condintioning? Im not really sure, but one thing that comes to mind is to totally cut out any media except books and radio. How possible would that be for you? shut off the tv, don't download movies and pron. How long would you last?

Definition
What is your definition? How do you define yourself? Is it by your clothes? The computer sitting in your room? The size of your Idiot Box? Or is it by what you do? If i was defined today by my clothes it would be that twirlz is a red shirt and blue jeans guy today! but what does that say about me? that i like red shirts and blue jeans.... pretty weak definition of ones self. What am i doing today? Well im at work right now and im working because i need money to eat and have shelter. What else am i doing? Well i have to go shopping for Easter for my daughter today. And after i shop for easter stuff i will be doing my school work. So lets go off what im doing today now. I do my work, probably not as well as my boss would like me to because im doing this rather than work. I care very much for my daughter to make sure she has a good easter and is happy, and im trying to better myself by going to school and learning. much better definition of a person now. better than the red shirt and blue jeans.

think about it

People == Stupid?
Are people stupid? Sometimes i think so. Or is it that they are conditioned to be retarded? I blame TV for this. There is no need for imagination anymore. Everything you need is pretty much done for you. We are flooded with imagry (sp?) that there is no time to even try to use your imagination. TV does all the imaginaing for you. When was the last time you read a book and while you were reading it you saw what was going on in the book in your head? Everytime i read a book i see it while i read it. Even in non-fiction books. Why not kill the god box and read a book for a week and see what happens to you. Will your imagination take over? Probably not, but at least you exersize your brain by seeing what is going on in the book.

Try this. Read the book for a movie that you really like. I love the movie Fight Club and i have read the book.... its was really easy to see the book because i saw the movie beforehand.

Serious
Serious.... Why be serious? There are times when one must be serious, but is it alright to be serious all the time? NO. One must have fun when the time is right and one must be serious at the other time. To be serious all the time you will become accustom to being that way all the time, so when its time to have fun its not really fun because one is taking it seriously. example: One plays a sport to have fun. It is nice to win, but is it worth getting upset about? NO. One "plays" to have fun, not to hate others that one is playing with. We must learn to have fun and not to be serious all the time.

Hi
Why does it feel like i won't find someone to be with? I do try to find a girl to be with so i can satisfy some wants that i have. This one girl i have been talking to came to me basically asking me to jump in her pants. but now she is all about her boyfriend ( she had a boyfriend when we first started talking ). Im confused, why would someone do this and basically pull a 180 on someone. I have never done anything like this to anyone in my life, so i just don't understand how someone could do this. I am close to saying that im going to be alone for the rest of my life and just consintrate on work and school. I just feel really empty in my life. I feel like i can't go out during the week because i have to work and some how this girl i have been talking to thinks im to perfect because of this. I also try to sound smart so others don't think im stupid for what i say. Am i really that unattractive that no girl wants to be with me? I have posted at a few online dateing sites and i barely get any response's.

I don't know im just depressed now and looking at things in a depressed fashion.

late

Why?
I wonder sometimes why things happen the way they do. Like why is it when i try to do something it always fails in one way or another. Recently i got an idea to sell computers that i get for free from companies. So i post ads online and i get a huge response, but half of the people didn't follow thru. Then i started to get alot of stuff. I didn't test a majority of it to see if the other stuff besides teh computers actually worked. Now i have 5 monitors that don't work at all. So my plan of getting stuff for free and selling it fell thru like a sive (sp?). Now just recently i got into an argument with my Ex about claiming stuff for taxes. She is going to claim my daughter and im going to claim the day care. then she calls me and pretty much tells me that i fucked up and that i won't be able to benifit from claiming the day care on my taxes. So im pretty depressed right now about her calling and pretty much rubbing my fuck up in my face! I really thought that i would benifit from doing this and now im fucked cuz no matter how much i pay into day care i get NOTHING back!

Fuck

Happy New Years
Hey everyone it's a New Year and most ppl make resolutions by thinking about them. Well i made one by accident :). I made one to get into shape and i've been doing it for 4 days now, and boy am i tired! LOL! What i have been doing is on even days i do 40 push ups and a total of 60 situps. I do 20 situps on a yoga ball, then i do 20 curls on each side. Then after i get done with that i put on some extra clothes to help me get my heart rate up and i jog around my place. I go from my living area to my bedroom and the back. Then on odd days i lift some weights and then do the cardio. This is what im going to be doing for my "New Years Resolution" and this happen by accident by me starting it on Jan 1 and then just deciding that i wanted to get in shape.
Well i had a great time with my daughter on New Years Eve. My daughter tried to stay up till 12, but she ended up falling asleep at 10. It was pretty cute, she started to lay down then made a makeshift bed out of pillows off the couch, started to roll over, then sat up at 10 and said "daddy i need to goto bed." i thought it was cute :D

Well thats about it for now. Late

Still Thinking
Well its the holiday season and i figure maybe i should add something here. This is the first year that i don't have my own family to be with during the holidays. They say that this is the time of year that most suicides happen. Do i feel this way? No. Do i feel lonely now? Yes. For the past 6 years while i was married i had my own family. At Thanksgiving i was thankful for having my own family. At Christmas i was happy to have a family to enjoy the gift giving, but this year i don't. My imediate family consists of Me. My ex is re-married, and has her own family to be joyious with. But i have come to the conclusion that i somewhat enjoy being single. Not having to make sure everyone around me is happy. I can consintrate on myself. I have been working out more. Weights, push ups and sit ups. I need to get more cardo to get the fat to burn.

I have also had a revlation about friends and psychic vampires. There are you friends that you know are you friends that are there when you need to talk or just to hang out and then there are psychic vampires that are only there when they think it will benifit them. I don't know if i have any "real" friends. Like ones that i can hang out with. Im pretty sure i have someone that i can talk to if i feel like it, but sometimes i don't because i don't want to bother them with my problems even tho they told me that i wouldn't be. I don't know if i would consider them my friend anymore tho. We only talk when they have something they need to tell me about something. Maybe they are a psychic vampire now to me. Or am i the psychic vampire on them? Getting back on topic... i know i don't have any friends that i can hang out with now. This troubles me. My "friends" are people online that i have never met in person. I enjoy time to myself, but i get bored at times sitting on the computer or watching tv. I have put my self "away" on all of my messenger clients so i don't have to talk to my "online" friends. I have work friends, but thats as far as it goes. Well back to Ghost in the Shell: Stand Alone Complex.

Happy Holidays and Everyone drive safe!